Time For Rest

Let’s craft a life that honors our nervous system, leaves us feeling fulfilled and feels good in our bones. This post is part three in a series exploring the Work – Rest – Play Balance we all need to be well. We’ve looked at the importance of play – that comes first. Now, let’s fit rest into this formula. While rest and play are both beneficial counterparts to work, they’re a bit different in their benefits.

Play typically involves engagement. Like fingers in the mud pie engaged- mind, body and emotions.

Rest is disengagement where we unplug, withdraw the senses and stop doing.

As with the cultural baggage around play, there’s much to unpack around rest. Coming into balance involves tracking down and slaying thought patterns running in the background that wrongly tell us it’s not okay to rest. You’re taking a nap in the middle of the day? You must be lazy, or unproductive…or unworthy.

Daily Downtime

But we all need daily downtime.

One way to get this is what I call “Rest On The Go.” It’s a quick snippet of rest that reduces sensory input, quiets thoughts and invites embodiment. It can be done in the car at a stop light, before entering a video call or anytime you want a quick reset. Close your eyes, acknowledge the weight of your body being supported by the surface you’re sitting or standing on and let the breath become more open. This one minute of rest sends a signal to the nervous system to move into parasympathetic dominance.

We’re not made to operate in action mode all day. The autonomic nervous system (ANS), which regulates many of the body’s involuntary functions, has two modes. The primary mode of operation is rest, digest and repair. This is handled by the parasympathetic arm of the ANS. Only when we need to take action or respond to a threat does this system shift over into sympathetic mode – the stress response. Or, at least that’s how it’s supposed to work. In these modern times, it’s common to get stuck in low-grade stress. It’s like revving the engine at a stop light. The body is preparing for battle but there’s no physical engagement, so the body gets flooded with powerful hormones that aren’t used and instead build up. This wreaks havoc on all systems over time. So, we need to rest. Rest shifts the system back into the mode where it can do the daily maintenance required to be well.

We need to unplug every day. Conscious rest between bursts of work aligns with the natural ebb and flow of life. Twenty minutes gazing out the window, a half-hour reading a book in the hammock, curling up on the couch with your cat for a nap or listening to a guided relaxation in your armchair all help the system cycle through its natural rhythm.

In addition to downtime throughout the day, aim for eight hours lying in bed each night. Researchers believe that this is how the spine breathes. Sleep is a cornerstone to wellbeing and while everyone needs it, a full 8 hours is crucial for a highly sensitive nervous system.

The change of seasons is a great time to refresh your sleep routine. I’ll be leading a free 5-day challenge for better sleep September 3 - 7. This holistic approach addresses mind, body, habits and physical environment in quick actionable daily steps.

Rest Weekly

Each week have at least one full day that is completely unscheduled. No errands or no chores, unless you find these activities soothing and restful. Notice your attitude to it to help discern if it’s restful for you. Just as we’re not meant to work for eight hours solid without a break, aside from a full 8-hours of sleep, we’re not meant to do nothing for eight hours. During a full day of rest, you’ll find yourself drawn to pleasurable activities like drawing or taking a hike through the woods. The intention is to reduce the pressure, to stem the tide of the relentless “to-dos”.

Three Days In Nature Each Month

Any time spent in nature is deeply restorative. Three days in nature seems to be the magic number to reduce cortisol levels in the body (those powerful hormones that have built up). It’s a system-wide reset to give yourself each month. You’ll be amazed at the spontaneous insights and creativity that come out of this open mind wandering time. Let’s make this the new normal – three days in nature each month, all year. If you feel stressed out thinking about unplugging for three days, it’s a good indication of how much it’s needed. Start with smaller segments and build up to it. The secret formula for this work-rest–play–balance is:  the less you work, the more you get done.

Throughout the second half of the 90s, I traveled extensively. I’d grab my backpack and jump on a long-distance flight to Asia, typically starting in Nepal, and then I’d make my way around South and Southeast Asia. During this time, my mom would drop in to travel with me for a couple of weeks. This worked well because I had scouted out the area so we could make the most of her limited days off from her corporate job. But one of these trips was different. I had contracted dengue fever along with a serious ear infection and was in the hospital in Bangkok at the time we were scheduled to meet up in Bali. This was before we had cell phones, so my mom was stopped at an airport gate mid-travel and re-routed to Bangkok. She stayed with me in the hospital for a few nights in the extra bed in the room specifically for the patient’s family members.

The ear infection prevented me from flying so we spent the rest of her vacation time in a beach hut on Ko Chang – a southern Thai island. My mom crawled into the hammock outside the hut under the shade of a palm tree with the ocean gently lapping up on the shore nearby and proceeded to unwind decades of work stress. She slept and slept and slept. For days. It shocked her how much she slept, but she clearly needed it. The unplanned time to do nothing turned out to be the best thing she could have done with her time off. Who knows what kind of illness or breakdown was prevented from that extended time of deep rest.

Rest Each Year

This leads to the yearly rest plan, which I recommend be one month a year. Go ahead and break it into two chunks of two weeks each, as you like. Or, try two month-long breaks each year. I have a few friends who took a month off from work this summer. It was a little scary but the world continued to turn and when they got back to work, they had energy and insights to improve their work – more so than if they had continued to plow through. Americans typically get five weeks of vacation a year and it’s estimated that about half of these workers don’t use all their paid time off or they work while on vacation. We’re swimming against the tide here to give so much value to rest, but the tide is turning.

Now, take a deep breath for this one. One year of rest every seven years. Whaaat? Stefan Sagmeister, a New York based designer with Rolling Stones album covers in his design portfolio, recommends this in this TED talk. He closes down his design business for a full year every seven years.  His rationale is that our lives are divided into sections. The first section is focused on learning. Then, there’s about a 40-year section dedicated to work, followed by 15 years for retirement. He decided to take five of those retirement years and intersperse them into the 40-year section of work – devoting one year of retirement for every seven years of work.

Without the pressure of work, he was free to create on his own terms, explore other cultures, start a meditation practice and refresh his perspective. His work got a lot better when he returned. The finances worked out to. The increased fees for the improved work covered the time off.

For many, having one’s own business is the way to afford the freedom to rest. But interestingly, many people who are their own boss, don’t give themselves this kind of time to rest and and wander and wonder. It takes a mindset shift, planning and a commitment to a holistic lifestyle that isn’t ruled by relentless work. You can run a successful business in 4-hour days, 4 days a week. It’s a matter of defining success on your own terms. Let’s explore the final piece – work – in the work – rest – play balance in the next post.

As for the canceled Bali trip with my mom? We made it up to her by taking her to Bali for her 70^th birthday many years later where we had a delightful balance of play and rest.